I am glad to be back at Longwood. I love being home, don't get me wrong, but I feel like a stranger or a visitor when I am there. Here at Longwood, where my friends are, my schooling is, my future resides; this is where my home is.
Matthew 14:31
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
Over Christmas Break, I fell out of faith with God. I know that he never lost faith in me, and that he never left me, but I just stopped. What I stopped, I don't know, I just know that that is exactly what I did. I just stopped.
I wasn't feeling the spirit move me in Church, I was singing praises right along with the radio, my prayers were non existent. I had no one that was keeping me accountable; I'm not moving the blame, it is my own fault that I didn't seek help from a friend or relative. I just ceased everything that brought joy in my heart through the spirit. I felt alone, I felt helpless, and I felt like I was cold and falling. I never want to feel that way again. I doubted God; doubted that he could pull me from my empty pedestal.
I prayed and prayed and prayed for help in some way. My heart was stone and I was unmoving in my doubt. Then I realized I wasn't doubting God, that wasn't the source of my faithlessness. I was doubting myself, and I realised there was unanswered for sins in my life that was causing me to doubt myself.
Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations
(Chorus:)
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as You find me
All my fears & failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender (I surrender)
(Chorus:) (2x)
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
(Bridge:) (2x)
Shine Your light & Let the whole world see
We're singing
For the glory
Of the risen King Jesus
(Chorus)
You're the Savior
You can move the mountains
Lord
You are mighty to save
You are mighty to save
Forever Author of Salvation
You rose & conquered the grave
Yes You conquered the grave
I went to church at home one last time before coming back to school. What I found, through opening my heart to God, laying myself at his feet, allowing him to cover me in grace, mercy, compassion, is that no on, NO ONE, is above all those things. My sins were so great and numerous that the hordes of Ancient Persia seemed as mice to what I've done, but God's grace filled me and washed away everything. God's grace out numbered my sin, his compassion - given for everyone who seeks it - healed me and made me whole.
Mark 11:23
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.
My doubt seemed as great as Mauna Loa, but through prayer and faith, God moved that mountain and through into the ocean.
1 comment:
Sometimes it takes a trip into the Valley for us to become stronger in our relationship with God. He'll never give you something that you can't overcome. I'm so glad that you have found joy again in the Father. May God bless you this semester my brother:) May you dance with the angels and rejoice in the Father's great mercy. Remember that everyone doubts, it's natural for all of us to doubt ourselves and the Lord; it's learning to overcome the doubt and trusting again that's the hard part. I can't wait to see what the Father has for you to do this semester! After this test, He must have something wonderful in store for you. I'll be praying for you:)
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